バーカー

2007-04-09T14:31:00.000+08:00

its ploughin my head, ploughing and ploughin........
its juz keeps on plouging...

2007-01-05T12:38:00.000+08:00

YEAR OF FICTION

somehow a part of me missed those 'reading' sessions we were all forced into before assembly or after depends. Now that the goverment has intruded into my world of 'do wadeva u want' i left the habit of always 'workin' on a book... not writing but reading. Guess the itch's back... have tis HUNGRY to devour books... it started with the mangas.... then wanted to read things with more substance

... sometimes it can be labour to plow thru the uninteresting parts but the best writers always rewards u juz enuf to carry on.... a resolution i made was to read a book every month of tis year and only the best will make it into my list...

January is all drowsy with love due to the work of HARUKI MURAKAMI.... love tis book... for those who broke up and still cant get over it.. read it.. it heals it really does...

somehow it summarises and speaks at u clearly, those feelings u cld nt mouth or put in paper...

melancholy drenches my world's canvas now... juz dun realli like to talk to people now... its a phase i'll get over it

feeling tired... i'm always tired .... yucks goin to sleep... juz finished the parade... probably will have 3 days off crosses fingers for more....

the demon in my camp is goin to ord soon.... but news is that another will take his place a stronger one.... more evil... sounds like a rpg...

2006-12-31T01:49:00.000+08:00

The new year's coming. In fact its less than 24 away, a chance to blog only so often comes around once a year!

lets begin this entry with a resolution:

a scrapbook of restuarants and haunts! to go to when i have $$
make every weekend/off a trip around singapore! i dun care!
spruce up my skills in photography
start updating my songlists and create playlists
get my ear pierced
and many many many more!
oh yar...
not only to put original entries! to artify this dead lump... that showed how a person's life is... the

past few years was so STIFFLE-ing, i could hardly breath...
grew up quickly too... its finally coming clear, less hazy i guess should be the correct word!

perky me.. feeling high mostly due to the festive seasons!

want to do an 'EMO' para....

tryin to join any party to go to the esplanade tomolo even though i'll be shag beyond comprehension since i'll have to like leave damn soon.... (Army)

the trick is- to let go. says:
aiyah... it's only fireworks

the trick is- to let go. says:
besides... it's still another sad yr to go

::uesu:: J^r[ EFX says:
its a new year gp

::uesu:: J^r[ EFX says:
every year NEW and IMPT things happen!

::uesu:: J^r[ EFX says:
dun say its sad k.. cheers

0.0 since when did i say such stuff. figured that theres a whole world of things to experience and dwelling too much on the old stuff is juz too 'pukes'... somehow now i'm realli lookin forward to the new year...
yours truly feels he can be realli bi polar at times... perky, wad's the opposite of perky, sad? no that's not the word for it......... depressy haha inventing new words. yeap i think so... i'm realli tired not goin to blog no more

there's realli too many things goin / rather a lack of important ones going on in my life right now...

p.s. EMO is realli becomin a famous word. naming the new big word of 2007

2006-12-22T21:58:00.000+08:00

2006-11-24T19:08:00.000+08:00

PMS SURVIVAL TIPS

2006-10-30T00:42:00.000+08:00

WHY DO I FEEL LIKE ITS RAINING INSIDE ME...

somehow... the forget u thru time thingy is getting to its limits.. will i ever forget, guess not ba... y lidat i also dunnoo...... i feel all weak, like my soul's drained out....... i hate myself for being like tis... i nid you.......so much.... but u hiazZz

2006-10-13T22:07:00.000+08:00

Hokkien Song #2

omg

2006-10-07T09:05:00.000+08:00

盛夏光年預告片 Eternal Summer

want to watch tis

2006-10-06T21:08:00.000+08:00

its been awhile since i last blogged...... still dun feel like blogging but here i am...
got erhm photos to show ya :P

start from where i last left off....
erhm... went to tis HONKIE tong place to try out food... apparently... raine's influence on moi bout curre rice has not weakened...

hmm... artistic shot courtest GP, too DEEP in thought in thought

hmmm went to fugging COOL... jap fest

............... blank outs with some intensive jap studying session at coffe bean boat quay.... wif raine... hmmm dunno lar hor then...... too tired to blog

2006-09-15T22:04:00.000+08:00

hmmm... YUM YUM

2006-09-10T01:10:00.000+08:00

woke up.... horny, sorry to say.. that but yah...
played around wif com... got tired again and slept thru till 12 when i thought.. fuck i'm late for the "boardgame" outting wif gang

ate at tis HOnkie PLACE... KINDA nice.. hmm realised that gp will be a great photo friend!!
fantastic FUGGIN' gd cURRE!!!

hmmm... settler's not bad realli wanna go back to play more interesting games, enjoyed time wif them..
met joy san later for INTENSIVE jap studyin lesson.. sat down and did some ... studyin and psp+nds gamin session plus piggin out at coffee bean :D

try para-at suntect w/c sux...
went home.. tomolo is IMF start... tink singapore will be veri CROWDED

2006-09-08T22:40:00.000+08:00

Para Para Paradise! ~ Velfarre 2000 (BAZOOKA Girls)

2006-09-08T19:27:00.000+08:00

me pigging out at subway... man i love their biscuits

2006-09-02T10:17:00.000+08:00

nex week is my summary exercise.. for all that i've learnt in the pass 2 mths ++. 3 days of up in the tarmac.... .. its like a mini field camp

note to myself:
monotonous 5 days and 2 days of hard partyin wif friends... make me treasure my weekends.

went to the airport wif zc, kim, gp ytd which was fun.. ending up not finding the spot to view airplanes... will find it!

todae there's jap class....hiaz... not realli interested... but still go.
caught akeelah n the bee.. ytd... instantly made me remember the hard time i faced memorising how words are spelt... during my primary sch days... scary mrs ng aka my tutition teacher always had like 20 new words to memorise each time i saw her.... which btw pales in comparision to the thousands of words akeelah. had to memorise haha prob like 10k plus
lazy to blog i'll go KUN on my bed until its time to wake up ... like 2 hrs time

2006-08-13T20:01:00.000+08:00

Grace MV feat. Lee Jun Ki

KOREAN

2006-08-11T22:52:00.000+08:00

people....

when all you think of is bout how you can improve ur materialistic situation, you're called shallow, yet when u look into yourself you get called a emo

how can i be normal... wait scrap that.. how can i be unique yet cool.....

back to 'materialistic VS emo'
maybe its cause there's 2 (maybe more) types of ppl... those who dig into themselves to find wad's wrong and those who juz shun away and try to go shallow in the process .. shunning those who look deeper....

hmmmm is it like tis?
.:wesley has weird thoughts:.

todae i sat all the way out to nim ROAD to play tennis but forgot to bring my phone along wif mi when i left the hse quite early to send my earphones for repair... shet.. and guess wad it was canCELLed.. at the very last moment..

... i tink the world is BONKERS... i smile and laugh when i'm happy
i frown and sulk when things are peaceful

2006-08-09T11:41:00.000+08:00

wooooow
ever felt like u lost ur voice? i've been muffling mine the past mth thinkin' if its worth over that person?...

its amazing when u sense the level of connection you can make with a person juz over the few times your wif him/her... i feel no regret for letting the friendship go for raine as i did for mingfu,
guess shallow friends come easy and leave easier.

regrading him;
futures i saw is peeling off like an aged oil canvas only to reveal the ugliness beneath.

当你感到痛苦时,
周围人的痛苦跟是越容易感受到.
就是在这时我了解到活着是种辛苦,
却在活着中能感受到幸福.
一切想过的,
一切都想把它给忘得一干二净!

2006-08-05T01:06:00.000+08:00

Army....
i've been confined... its the 1st and it'll be the last... REASON for confinement... our bunk was in a mess.

so wad now ltr have to book in until tomolo morning then i'll be out.. same shetty feeling i get... kinda numb to it liao

i miss life, wadeva of it that was normal before.. the little i had... i've let go of it...... this time round i'm quite sure completely

i'm starting on a fresh piece of paper

2006-07-30T20:52:00.000+08:00

.... ppl around me... drawing further away

2006-07-27T18:04:00.000+08:00

missed the chance to watch lake house wif joel, zhencong, guoping.... damn.. sad.. cos i heard its like DAMN gd lar

hmmm... tries n figure out a way to jio friends to watch it... DOTZ.
.... intro a comic fer yar..... death note, ITS damn gd... nex entry promise to paste some photos

2006-07-26T18:47:00.000+08:00

Ryan Carnes and Scott Lunsford Part II

BLAH...

2006-07-16T11:33:00.000+08:00

Signal PV (full ver.)

signal's the newest vid

2006-07-16T11:31:00.000+08:00

o.0.... i like kat-tun
kame most (X.X)

P.S. they're a boyband from jap.. if u haven noticed..

2006-07-15T08:21:00.000+08:00

another week gone by many many more to come....

PUMPed by tis female *coughs* lessie captain... cos someone didnt own up held the push up position for like god noes how long...

cant believe jingfeng*bunkmate went to geylang.... ZzZz, he recently broke up and guesses has alot on his mind... doesnt help when there's tis MANIPULATIVE BITCH in the bunk who encourages jingfeng's action and ... tink he's gay... caught him glancing at mi all the time... tink the gaydar thing works... back to the point ... the bitch proves my theory that bitches, male or female exist in abundance in the population and nids to be F***ED and slaughtered... (army makes you vulgar sorry).

haiz! life is peaceful at lim chu kang somehow i tink it'll change nex week onwards.. cos MDM will be takin our trainin for 3 days nex week WIN LIAO LOR..

missed cosfest last week but quite happy to have chatted wif raine san... beams in the afterglow of the recollection... tennis was cancelled ytd; stupid made me pay for the taxi home...

bringin' a nds to camp was not a gd idea cos it was HOGED a certain someone who i dun like!... when i lend someone else the nds who said i'll lend it to u? ended up snatchin it back from him... wad's wif me.. so selfish.. guess i have my own internal conflicts to deal wif..

:( miss all my friends from sji, ny, jap class etc... internet buddies.. army.. juz suxs the life out of u.... but make more friends lar cya folks

2006-07-09T09:06:00.000+08:00

having a awful sorethroat... but still managable..

catched 鬼域 ytd... its FRICKin' scary! tink those who watched it will find it very.... similar to silent hill at the start... the story's kinda weak.. but made do.

walking ............ i fall back, move forward; keep goin..

from the person i held in my heart for the past 5 yrs has let the the memories go and dun want them back, guess anything's possible ba... as long u have enuf grit........

tinks to myself... i'm too navie, thinkin that friendships made will nv get worn and weathered away... thats juz i see the world thru my eyes.... maybe thats not realli unique bout me.. rite.... bet there's a million others feeling the same way .... draws mouth to the side of my face and scowls.

i've been posted to the airforce as a missile launcher operator .... do all the aiming and stuff but onli the officiers get to 'press' the big red FIRE button cos they're the big shots oh well....... kinda glad i'm there... but there's lots of exams.. muz obtain a 90% or else i wun be able to go home on the weekends..... *points back* that i was threatened by my commander..

having a awful sorethroat... but still can manage.. catched 鬼域 ytd... its FRICKin' scary! tink those who watched it will find it very.... similar to silent hill at the start... the story's kinda weak.. but made do.

2006-06-30T23:58:00.000+08:00

mood: down....... the more u try and control... the more u lose it...

2006-06-24T13:58:00.000+08:00

hmmm..... feels weird when i cant use my camera... reminds meself.. its spoilt!
hmm drew tis sometime ago...

pretty rough but turns out great on the psp... :P
hmmm..... looks like my wish came true..........

my granpa died... kinda sad... wished it wasnt like tis.... :(
at the funeral.. beri bz... sorrie cant entertain!

2006-06-19T19:26:00.000+08:00

made a bet wif raine ytd... said that i wld ignore a certain someone... see how it goes

2006-06-19T00:42:00.000+08:00

glass breaks
i'm throwing it away... trash dun stay

i'm goin shopping .... lemme shop pls

2006-06-15T09:53:00.000+08:00

went out wif joy and sam wif him....
... juz had a black and white recollection thingy happen to me as i try to remember wad happened....

he seems cold......... i dunno why he's cold to me....... i want to noe,
maybe not ba.... dunno lar i'm addicted.... help mi cure myself

2006-06-10T23:57:00.000+08:00

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.
In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.
You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.
Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.
In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

2006-06-10T22:31:00.000+08:00

friend.so.shallow

.... tried to go back... afraid to move forward.....
stuck to the ground....... he didnt call ... didnt message...
nothing from him even though his not in camp........ gulliable.... i was and still am

so lonely..... i wished there was someone out there juz for mi... guess not ba dream too much liao..... dream and no action... so how am i suppose to go bout findin the "ONE"

go clubbing? wif who?... wad'll happen there.. siao ar... crazy...
who in my circle noes bout tis side of me not much now even fewer...

relationships wif so many ppl but yet somewhat distant i feel abandoned... abandoned by the world... family no one... sianz.................. sinkin back in .......... knew it was comin... traded the bit that was left to get a fresh breath the wish ended i'm back to my dark world...

i'm back

2006-06-08T00:17:00.000+08:00

烦.超无奈.
hurt.numb.nth's left to be hurt about.

piece of my heart; mutilatedremoved
try hard to find any feelin' . can onli remember how painful.

...... someone chose to let go of me in his memories, i was forgotten,
save me, with every blow i grow weary... i grow to become someone i hate.

guess there's always 2 sides to things.... the more pain u have endured the less pain u'll feel when the nex one hits home... the 1st time heart was move was the most joyeous but the 1st time my heart was broken.. it was the saddest..... thereafter everything juz becomes a blur as i lie on the floor dazed by the sadness from the 1st....
lemme recover lemme feel as strongly as before again その願いを聞いてくれ

2006-06-06T23:36:00.000+08:00

passed out from tekong liao....
PHEW big sigh of relieve

2006-06-03T18:35:00.000+08:00

trying veri hard to make things work but guess i tried too hard till it broke....

i realli dunt noe wad he feels.... it makes me so pissed juz becos of that... neway... it sux, its goin to be history repeat... not handsome or charmingzZ enuf to keep anyone close to me...
bit sad.. no! change; veri sad hiaZ

hopefully ys wun ditch mi again.. supposedly goin to meet him ltr dunno still on not....
life's hard........ its getting harder everyday.......

dun even noe if anyone reads tis anymore..... they say 1st love is the sweetest.. i tink its the most bitter if things dun work out.... learn to walk away..... i cant walk away............ there's a chain linkin mi to those thoughts i so desperately want to forget erase.... its not helping when life's put on pause cos of army.....

i drives mi crazy when there's no one out there xcept for my family that truely gives any shet bout you....

enuf of tis melancholy.... well guys i saw tis damn cool pair of sneakers on a mag that day.. hope i can get it... :( crosses fingers hope its not sold yet...

１９歳

2006-06-03T15:51:00.000+08:00

歌手：すがしかお
xxxHolic

１９才：

唇に毒をぬって　ぼくの部屋にきたでしょう？
あなたのキスで　もう体も脳も溶けてしまいそう

大キライな　ぼく　19才
大キライな　ぼく　19才

吐き気がするくらい　あなたの心美しいのに
何ひとつできないぼくに　どうしてキスしてくれるの？

大キライな　日々　19才
大キライな　顔　19才

ククク　クロアゲハチョウの様に　誇らしい羽根で飛びたい
くくく　くだらないって言わないで　そんな人生がいいの　いいの...

汚れてる魂だけを　取り除くのが無理ならどちらに歩けば　
それを未来と呼べのでしょう？
宙ぶらりん　ユメ　19才
宙ぶらりん　ウソ　19才

ククク　クロアゲハチョウになって　誰からも愛されたい
くくく　九分九厘ないとしても　ほんの一瞬でいいの　いいの...

大キライな　ぼく　19才
大キライな　ぼく　19才

ククク　クロアゲハチョウの様に　誇らしい羽根で飛びたい
くくく　くだらないって言わないで　そんな人生がいいの

ククク　クロアゲハチョウになって　誰からも愛されたい
くくく　九分九厘ないとしても　ほんの一瞬でいいの　いいの...

ククク　クロアゲハチョウの様に
くくく　くだらないって言わないで
ククク　クロアゲハチョウの様に
くくく　くだらないって言わないで

2006-06-03T15:17:00.000+08:00

goin to pass out from bmtc soon in fact its juz 3 days away now.... goin to miss all of them from my section.. realli i will even those who i dun realli like cos they make up the unique bunch of arses that is section 4

btw had alot of pictures on my cam phone. but my Mother... praise be washed it along wif my clothes which i left in cos i was in a hurry to go out and juz left stuff strewn on the floor... sux...

marched 24km in like 9 hrs ... came back now having a fever.. i'm all hot and fuzzy and naseous ..... goin to sleep tink ltr i goin to grab my shoes..

2006-05-29T12:44:00.000+08:00

i'm on MC for todae.... hooray.
been sick since fridaY... but cldnt go home cos i was in sit test...(location:forest somewhere inside tekong)

.. which sucks
.... hiaz

neway... i'm stuck at home cos no one has called yet and i'm waiting for the phone call from the COS... which sux ..., starting a few new animes, xxxholic, the melancholy of haruhi, ouran highschool which is quite funny...

tink xxxholic is gd supposedly related to tsubasa chronicles... lazy to dl that probably will when i pass out from that god forsaken island... feel like replaying jedi knights but too lazy... stuck in prince of persia...

final evaluation... its realli not that gd to have a portable at all wad.. since all u do is juz play??
tokin crap sorrie head is tad dizzy ... ltr goin to try and master qi li xiang on the piano by jay chow, lol, btw mother "washed" my sony erricsson phone.. _sob_

tong hua rox... learning that score too.. bb

2006-05-28T02:35:00.000+08:00

if u like a person, u shdnt hide it
hito ga suki naraba, kakureranakute kure

2006-05-20T15:36:00.000+08:00

何度が要るんか？
あいつに思うことは無理だ！

こちから。。。。送ってないよ
私は私にうそをついて

怒ってる！！！
金切り声を上げる

何で。バカみたいに
軍に入るんのほうが良いんですか？
今の気持ちで、命で、全ては悪いんなのか？
知りません

悲しすぎた

つづく

nex week will onli be comin back on sat nite. which suxs becos usually its sat morning... sat will be burnt away. its wrong... everything is wrong the state of my life... how many of you out there is unhappy wif their lifes... yet how many are living in their fantasy.?

wish to move on wif my life... but cant... stuck stuck stuck....

2006-05-12T23:00:00.000+08:00

is it real, doubt so... it's all another well planned out joke on me again........ and i'm not goin to fall into the same trap again... not tis time..... fuck
but wad if it cld be something? wad if... fuck wad if.... its obvious its nth more then play...

not goin to waste my day all over again tomolo i'm, having some ALONE TIME

2006-05-12T02:05:00.000+08:00

詰まり、この人生が嫌いだ

i'm confused.................. i nid to stop and regain control again... army threw me REALLI off balance

he's back in my life...... -.- dunno how but somehow is back again .. dun tink he's realli plannin on staying long.... i've haven realli put down any solid plans yet either........... we kissed dat day... somehow it felt like it didnt end at all but somehow the "commar" has ended... DUMB

like before i guess i have to trudge thru everything to find out wad's realli inside........ cos i send the unwillingness to let up its like........ the mask is always on... i dun like it............ want to tear it off and be with the real deal. will return to dis post soon

army eats time....
不知不觉地5个星期过了

2006-04-23T02:30:00.000+08:00

time flies.....

bmtc is kinda fun... tink its goin to be more fun but juz goin to keep my fingers crossed........
well lets start off: but army is sianz... cos u keep wasting time.... waking up at 5.15 is unacceptable... but guess its the attitude towards it ba... if u go in with one of wanting to learn from it it wldnt be that bad....

went to tekong, got posted into the S coy.. which includes mi and 200 or so bald headed recruits like mi (see there's A to Z; basically means ur "class", like in jc ur "class" does things together... bla bla bla)

then i'm in platoon 2 out of 3 possible and in section 4 of platoon 2 with 12 other buggers... haha
i've been technicalli trained in the arts of handling a rifle, enuf of tis...

my grip on how the world works for the comin 2 yrs is firm but the urge to juz release and plunge into oblivion is always there................bought a neon but guess its quite useless cos its onli there to fill the gaps in time... sianz...

neon zeon is killing mi now... ipod connection was much faster

2006-04-05T19:17:00.000+08:00

how many ppl can u put into ur heart.. before it breaks
1 is enuf
how many close friends can u have before you have to stop to ppl from joinin??
3 max

so it makes me wonder why we have MSN, friendster, icq etc. anyway..... ppl adding and deleting... silently boasting bout the tonnes of ppl they noe.. for me 1 is enuf cos i have onli enuf time for one PERSON

is it the same you guys?...

2006-04-05T19:05:00.000+08:00

世界上最远的距离
不是生与死
而是我站在你面前
你却不知道我爱你

世界上最远的距离
不是我站在你面前
你却不知道我爱你
而是爱到痴迷
却不能说我爱你

世界上最远的距离
不是我不能说我爱你
而是想你痛彻心肺
却只能深埋心底

世界上最远的距离
不是我不能说我想你
而是彼此相爱
却不能在一起

世界上最远的距离不是
彼此相爱却不能在一起
而是明知道真爱无敌
却装作毫不在意

世界上最远的距离
不是树与树的距离
而是同根生长的树枝
而无法在风中相依

世界上最远的距离
不是树枝无法相依
而是相互了望的星星
却没有交汇的轨迹

世界上最远的距离
不是星星之间的轨迹
而是纵然轨迹交汇
却在转瞬间无处寻觅

世界上最远的距离
不是瞬间便无处寻觅
而是尚未相遇便注定无法相聚

wad is your furthest distance?
for now.. mine has to be .. between him and me...
its impossible... once broken u cant fix things back nomore.

physically the furthest distance will be from friday till 2 yrs later when i get out of army..

2006-04-03T23:40:00.000+08:00

fake.

tell mi i'm in reality

2 ....

2006-03-31T22:10:00.000+08:00

got waken up by ダンニル　when he called my hse
got urprised by アイヴァン for a belated bdae .... 1st who went "1st n 2nd base" wif mi

y todae?... its a sign？... those who tugged at my heart until i cried and cried till i was numb.... 無駄、無理......

when he called in the morning.. fell into slight depression on how i ended up here.... and tried forcing myself to sleep...
when i woke up again, the day started....

「the hatch from the series LOST is so OVERATED.... dumb thing....」 btw... watching lost season 2 marathon from epi1 until 17 much more fun than waiting for 1 episode per week...

running was bad.. 12.15min.. "dots" nid to erase 45 seconds....and reach the ideal C pass grrade which is 11.45

i dun even have a picture of him... wif mi anymore.. dumb computer crashed... in fact neither of them.......
its was so dumb lar.....

"excuse me, did anyone call?"
"NO"
"sorrie bye"
he sounded sad... maybe its the morning grogginess.. u noe when u juz wake up ur voice always juz sounds a tad bit off. like u're sick wif flu.

btw... i wasnt mistaken u cant be mistaken when u spent like minimum 4 hrs tokin on the phone since sec 2.. until jc

the conversation, so short but immediately recognised his voice... possible reason: that day i accidently called him .. cos my phone wasnt locked although deleted his contact from my address it was still in my sim and somehow the phone managed to call via SIM...
maybe he thought i wanted to tok to him..... i dunno... anyway before all the stupid things tat came out of my mouth ... i was alreadi veri unhappy wif the situation..... felt like i was filling a blackhole... no matter wad i put into it... it juz won't do

maybe i do want to tok..... he's been appearing in my mind alot.... the world is juz wad it is; filled wif a bunch of clueless ppl living in it...

love, friendship, intangible things ... they are juz wad they are: INTANGIBLE... so stop tinkin how the world shd be cos it'll nv be lidat... shuddup .... dream shatters.... annoying.... goin in nex friday

jap class ended.. jaq is in japan now... lent her my dictionary dumb rite... smitten by a smile ... pretty girls shd juz die... they noe they can trample all over u and nth will happen. Incidentally they'll use it to the max... guys are left usualli clueless

最期　「さいご」　　　心も死んだと思う

2006-03-29T21:39:00.000+08:00

最後クラスは後明日で本当に終わる。。。悲しくて、いろんな気持ちが持っていて、楽しかっただから。さ。。。来週金曜ぼく陸軍に入隊しなきゃだ。何を起こる、知らない。。でも、この運命は避けられない。。。。。。なんのことができる今まだわからん。陸軍でならえる？ぜひ新しい友を作りたいです。最近心に虚しい。。。。　全てもない似てる。全てもなくなりました。「つづく」

like i'm not in pain...　
that's wad i tink of when i wake up.
いつも満足してない人間は。。。[humans will nv satisfied.. ]

maybe not everydae but happening much too often.
''看开点吧,'' that's wad i tink too...
i haven apply for U yet OMG!

2006-03-27T00:36:00.000+08:00

shoes for jeans.. cannot be sports shoes... it juz doesnt cut it...
new hunt for the perfect pair BEGINS........

birthday ... FANTARSUTIC.... lol... hey... its getting better wif each passing year.... :D
well.. kinda tired.. will load up the pictures.. when i get the photos from those with the cameras..

hey bought a new jeans from topman.. their jeans RAWK... buy onli from there levi is.. so COMMON.. urgh...

2006-03-24T00:52:00.000+08:00

a couple in a bus... common sight.. yet i was flooded by memories...

when was it.. i cant recall.. but it wasnt long enuf that i cldnt remember...... hmmm.. holding hands in a crowded bus.... announcing to the world that we were together........ did i noe it wld end... tink i did... but i kept lying to myself....

6sense... its nth more than the most probable future ur mind can compute.... dumb......... neway.. bdae comin.. i wonder if anything's goin to happen tomolo... maybe i'll be surprised by a nice PREZZIE from raine?

haha....

2006-03-20T23:18:00.000+08:00

went CRYSTAL JADE ramen xiao long bao at taka todae... for lunch/dinner.. was so full...

DAMN NICE ... in lurv wif the place... cheap and SUPER FOODD...
nex time i go promise i take PHOTOS of the food k

btw my bday coming... lemme seee

karaoke session coming up, ltr nid to go practise...
bbq at tanjong rhu,
FANTASTIC food at goodwood :D been frequentin that same res for my bdae for the past god noes when... I JUZ CANT get enuf of it :D

todae accidently called ys, ..... cos nv lock my phone... sian rite? when u call the person u totalli dun wan to call.. but kept the no. in ur phone juz in case :( ... and i thought he was the one calling mi and i went to send a sms saying: wad.

SO PAI SEH... well who cares... i did... loser me....

あなたに嫌いの時、このあと詞を思い出さなければならない　realli want to take raine for keeping company lurvs u

2006-03-19T20:52:00.000+08:00

３週間までに陸軍に入らなければ。悲しくて、あいにくの事です。ここまで、ずっと　ずっと。。。諦めない。

生きてよ。僕の未来はひかるから。。。生きなさい！

liew... pants from 日语运功大法

went to tis "Tarven place" around east coast for dad's bday, ate like a pig AGAIN..... had like 4 plates of salmon sashimi..., escargot.... took 1 had 1 bite passed it to mother... YUCKS, super huge mushrooms wasnt veri nice like my chinese style stir friend mushrooms better...chicken qualidallius (anyhow spell) tuscan chicken mango pudding ... tiramisu, caramel delite..

watchin' jigoku shoujo as i'm typing... look out for the p.s. damn unnerving series,

morning saw hingman ... returned my books to mi.. .... girls get away wif army.. the world is lop sided.. boo hoo...
went for nus open hse ...... and ntu's one too.. but somehow felt the nus shd be the place, neway... lots of goodies got picked up at that open hse.... mostlystuff i dun nid... like magazines and paper weightes and swissknifes... liew... enuf trash to last mi till i go there haha..

haven reg for uni yet, tink soon ba.. or else no time liao.. hiaz its so funny lar. goin to take the life sci course at nus .. but right now the onli thing i can do is to juz reg for the faculty i wanna get into...

living and living ... no real goal in sight... nothing realli accomplished..... goin to aim for jlpt 3 (jap test, says that at jlpt3 i shd be able to read most jap stuff and carry out daily conversations... doubt so.. they're teaching onli gaijin stuff.. nid to figure out the other stuff by myself...) for end of tis yr which means i gotta slave over tonnes of stuff... and watch like tonnes of DORAMA ..drama for those non j speakers. and ANIME... nothing bad bout the latter though
miss my friends who are in army, miss my friends who i no longer talk, those who decide not to tok to mi, miss those who are nt toking to mi now.. haha

army QUICKLY come lar... hope i dun regret wad i'm saying now.. crosses fingers

[完]

p.s. jigoku shoujo (地獄少女) is bout tis hell guardian/god wadever... u say a pray to her to exact vengence onto someone... neway.. she'll pass u tis voodoo doll thingy.. made of straw wif a red string tied round the neck of it. when u unwind it u'll indicate that u realli want to go thru wif it.. she and her team of "vengence" spirits will go scare the shet out of the person and bring him to hell in exchange u'll also go to hell but u'll continue living on earth until u die naturalli... haha...
the gd part of the series comes from how the spirits scare the SHET out of the evil guy that forced the person to resort to such means

2006-03-12T12:27:00.001+08:00

tink someone's angry wif mi... ... cant be bothered

Rubbbish.As.In.Noone's.Emerald.

2006-03-05T15:22:00.000+08:00

some ppl are juz trash in tis world: pure trash. And trash sometimes attracts trash and you end up wif a rubbish heap.. *stinks*

well sink of being wif trash. there's nth worth in that pile of stinkin trash to dig deeper for,

been hanging alot round yc and the more i'm around her the more i tink she's trash, dunno y, juz trash talks ppl and swats ppl's ego around without a second thought... can call it being truthful but i tink its juz plain being mean to the ppl around u.... dun tink u actualli care.. to say hurtful things to ur parents, she reminds me of mingfu..... easily forgetable....

been searching for allies in my world and hardly find anyone, is it realli that hard for everyone or juz me onli?

2006-03-05T01:21:00.000+08:00

bleh bleh bleh... look, tink i look damn KUAI in tis pic

2006-03-03T01:24:00.000+08:00

爱上你让我的世界更加美丽
爱上你自然如呼吸
爱上你甜蜜得身边的人都妒嫉
爱上你是我最珍惜的幸福

只有你能了解我所有的情绪
只有你能包容我不时地坏脾气
只有你懂得应该如何哄我开心所以我爱你

有些人爱到害怕所以从此不再爱
有些人爱过所以相信不需要再爱
有些人爱到自己名字也记不起来
有些人爱到不能想象没有你的未来

results are back...
maths B
chem A
bio B

gp b3

hmmm... no comments anyway god's been kind to me and life's kinda peaceful now............ smooth sailing ready to enter army...

basicalli tink everyone did all right nth TOTALLI horrible... but cld have been better i guess, tinkin bout him again, and him, these 2 screwed up my past, hiaz nt goin to give someone else the chance to do it again >:(

random thought of the moment:
ppl shd lurv more and accept lurv more readily..... tink the world has enuf suspicion and hate to go round for the comin donkey god noes years...

2006-02-24T02:37:00.000+08:00

やあ！！

haha... had intestive jap class todae 6 hours in total.. tired ... went out wif classmates together..... sensei joined us.. SO INTERESTING!
hahaha kk see the photos

sweet misery

2006-02-22T00:10:00.000+08:00

keep having this feeling...
like I'M operating my body from behind a console.... outta sync

past days been somewat like twilight zone.... trapped and life's on HOLD...
the hole i dug myself is getting deeper and harder to get out everydae. keep tinkin of him, tink is becos i'm lonely and those thoughts surface......... cant be truthful to the people i realli care about....

i realli care bout u

its funny how things turned out..... but do i want to care bout u? i dun want to is the truth yet i care....... sux

news bout the renu contact lense thingy is scary... ppl goin blind ... in the name of vainity..
amusing....
final fantasy X, dunno how many of u played tis b4.. playing it now... nice story.. but cant compare to the earlier versions...

been listening to tis song since sec 3 never realli gotten tired of it...
tokin bout the accoustic version onli

Sweet misery
Michelle Branch

I was lost
And you were found
You seemed to
Stand on solid ground
I was weak
And you were strong
And me and my guitar
We strummed along, oh

Sweet misery
You cause me
That's what you called me
Sweet misery
You cause me

I was blind
But oh, how you could see
You saw the beauty in everything
Everything and me

I would cry
And you would smileYou'd stay with me
A little while

Sweet misery
You cause me
That's what you called me
Sweet misery

You cause me

And in my heart I see, oh
What you're doing to me
And in my heart I see, oh
Just how you wanted it to be
Sweet misery

Oh, whoa

Sweet misery
You cause me
That's what you called me
Sweet misery

You cause me
And in my heart I see, oh
What you're doing to me
And in my heart I see, oh
Just how you wanted it to be
Sweet misery

I was weak
And you were strong
And me and my guitar
We strummed along

2006-02-19T11:14:00.000+08:00

have u ever woken up and felt like u were on the wrong side of bed...
well it DIDNT happen for mi, but as tthe day progressed it sure seemed to progress into a nightmarish one...

wad to do............................... y am i accompaning MEOW so much.... hiaz mi being selfish again...

2006-02-18T16:47:00.000+08:00

暑いな！　すごく暑いね！　暑い　wif a capital A

was SCORCHING hot todae, now back home.. いま　老天爷 decided to blanket the sky wif dark clouds... 4pm but look like 7pm.. toot....

feel like overcooked cookies now... btw was playing tennis juz now........... at PINE GROVE .... near clementi wif chris. hee hee imPROVED leh... can handle his balls but dunno if he was holding back. HIAZ, left my racket at sis's hse which is in puggol

goin to start full time JAP CLASS haha... back to school.. but learning new language.......
after that off i go to army.. juz nid to complete intermediate 1 and i can take the jap exam from JAPAN..

:( didnt get anything for V day... goes hid in a corner and stones.... instead was in ikoma .. wif NISHIO sensei.. hahaha.... went home wif my "date" :joy.. hahaha o well, at least i wasnt alone tis yr... YIPEEE improved sia.

mummy's curry for lunch todae made my tummy beri UPSET... lucky wasnt serious during tennis but on the way back ... the muscle walls were violently contracting... smooth muscles..
CHURNING the weird curry....

kk scheduling tomolo's session CHAO

2006-02-17T23:43:00.000+08:00

50% BLEACH-ed my hair....

1st time do anything to my hair.... (ok actualli 2nd time..) but tis time i do myself.
suppose to leave the dam thing in for like 15 min. chickened out after 10... it was hurting my scalp!

which resulted in me having a disgusting BENG brown... YUCKS

2006-02-13T00:30:00.000+08:00

packing up... found britney's 1ST ALBUM and started listening to it...
MEMORIES swell.......... haha... no lar.. bluff u de.. dun have much lasting memory from that time but noe wad? her 1st album is fabulous.. smite mi for using the F word.. XD

oh.. gd days of SMOULDERING POP MUSIC...(is there such a word?).... its REALLI POP...!
my room is suddenly filled wif BUBBLES!

like tis song called "the beat goes on"

oh yar went to sushi tei to EAT TODAE!!!!! ..... wif them all of course! smug look... total of $200++ spent ... had LOTS TO EAT.
recall:
1 cha soba wif ebi tenpura ... (k folks its PRONOUCED as TEN-PU-RA. not TEM-pu-ra....)
cha means tea and ebi means prawn and tenpura is the way they cook it...

lots of SUSHI and tenPURA! of course TONNES OF salmon(raw)!!! yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa jap food craving has been curbed! (onli for the nex 3 weeks)

haha... SUSHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII noticed that the older folks dun realli appreciate jap cuisine cos they always stick to the SAFE things eg. teriyaki don yakitori etc.

neway.... tennis SUXED ... didnt play for 1 week and totalli DEPROVED! argh!

2006-02-08T00:00:00.000+08:00

(i do not blog for others, i blog for myself)

just one
the same old memorises are brought back out again, night is when my other self takes control.......... i keep replaying those thoughts over and over in my head and juz let it out, all sorts of fuckedup emotions, and they wash my heart, i feel bitter next jealous then happy...... who is "i" ?........... aiya .. toot.

nites

2006-02-05T12:15:00.000+08:00

o.0 feels good huh? woke up on the right side of the bed todae, feels GD

2006-02-04T00:54:00.000+08:00

smitten,
i really dunno where is goin to, feel like asking but is it realli neccessary? my mind is clouded, take a step forward in love but be blowned 10 steps back by lust.

tennis wif them was BAD... arrived late and halfway thru there was a blackout.. so ended up playing less than an hour of TENNIS
.... toot!!!!!!! mimics HOMER whenever he does something stupid. it feels as though i was rushed out of the toilet... haha
business wif tennis was not done...

loner by nature or neccesity?

was at mac wif the diana and gang awhile ago, mi and other guy incidently also called wes... was queueing for FOOD, he was offering to get icecream for everyone, but i didnt realli want icecream, wanted yogurt. so he asked me y was i queueing, kept quiet for awhile then he told mi to "DIY" which was interpretted by me buy urself, returned to the table where the others were sitting... then they started questioning me. how come i got yogurt... :x... cant i choose wad i want?.. wes "senior" came back and they said i wasnt a team player... tootified... they were juz kidding but these kinda things stays wif u even if u noe it wasnt serious... hmmm... world is cruel.. we are sensitive... BAD combination........

its lidat back in jc too.. the guys wld all eat at the same place....... then i'll be like... hmmm dun realli feel like eatin that or maybe cos they were eating that and i simply got pissed at the idea of eating the same thing as them and wld patronise other stalls... (partly due to the fact the school food isnt realli tastebud friendly)
guess i dun realli tink bout others...... wad's being so nice good for?... i'll do it onli when i treasure them....

missing daniel......... hmmm questions myself... you noe wad is the best way to remember something... that is to try and forget it. the harder u try the stronger the memory....

live with your mistakes and acknowledge it as part of you that's perhaps the only way to move on in ur life.... O.0!!! omg i juz spouted some unknown sentence ....

.... i see a trend in my blogging patterns its starts out nice, then it takes 1 wrong turn thereafter everything spirals out of proportions especially bout my LIFE and how everything in it seems less pleasant.... argh....

i'm realli malleable to influence from those close around me ;wish it wasnt so... hate it when i see my posts and see how truly conflicted i am as a person.... feels like a warzone inside torned apart by so much self conflict...................... tink its becos its getting late .. sayounara

2006-02-01T01:11:00.000+08:00

held you close as we shut our eyes........ i cld only feel your warmth, time stops; we're alone.... yes we're alone... forever i'll treasure you, i promise. i found peace tonite

2006-01-31T00:34:00.000+08:00

o.0 テニスしました、fresh from my SHOWER.... NICE.. haha... porno sia,

hmmmm.... CNY passed so quickly... :(

2006-01-28T13:17:00.000+08:00

农历新年快要到了喔. 来临新的一年欲望的是什么?

希望能把一切不愉快的事给忘得一干二净, start with a clean slate, 再也不回头思念失去未来,反而要挑战未来,寻找幸福.
(need feedback is typing in chinese too CHeeeeNA?)

o.0?.. hmmm heading for reunion dinner ltr... feel like bleaching my hair NOW! but decides to leave it till after the new yr if not i'll probably cause a few family members to faint

涙が溢れて NO more!
was watchin FMA juz now... hmmm think their theory veri muz applies;
to gain something u have to give up another of equal importance, ... nth's free in this forbading world of ours. thought of the big fat ANG PAO harvest tis CHeeena NEW yEar juz zipped thru my mind. questioned "j***" wad is goin on.... hmmmm i dun tink its goin anywhere and i'm juz goin to leave it the way it is....

life's kinda MELLOW now cos i took up the job offer of takin care of my baby nephew...
可愛い！！(kawaii)
dun tink i'll be wanting to father any child in future unless i have someone i realli can trust and lurv to do it with cause its realli a 大変(jap alert) job, awful job..

australian open RAWKS.... was catchin the men's double's while typing tis entry.... BRYAN bros won... frickin GD match.. the indian guy reminded my of kikumaru.. but a kinda CHUBBY, version haha.... though he looks that way he sure can run around the court...
kk tink i blogged enuf

2006-01-26T00:02:00.000+08:00

addicted; its scenery, actors but mostly to its story.
intense; that it stifles and sucks the air away

wrenches till i shatter and crash into a million........ nothing is left except for lies i tell. it numbs the pain

PAIN, innumerable shades of piercing afflictions
the things i utter lulls me into falsehood,
i seek for the one who will cure me

didnt know and fucked it. he left

snapshots
lost someone, with him he took the trophy of me soul now a hole that can never be filled behind.

memories awkwardly tucked away now tears apart.
'Can i go on living like tis?; broken;'

hurts...... i weary from standing alone, with no one to share the burden of life. no one to lean on.

drop after drop, i bleed, each fresh from my soul's spring.......

2006-01-25T22:20:00.000+08:00

i'm still SERIOUSly affected by brokeback mountain

... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
its the MOVIE of the year

2006-01-24T00:47:00.000+08:00

OKIE............. its pouring tears inside me now,

juz watched a film called brokeback mountain SUPER ULTRA SUPER DUPER FUCKING NICE LAR...

love that that is so RARE, to love someone and to give everything up for it............ and yet u dun see anything, guess it suxs huh, SUXS SO BAD, sux so bad whyy argh.............. sux
that sick feeling of lurv FUCK IT

2006-01-21T22:48:00.000+08:00

blogging twice on a day... bullsh*t
Official post for today

juz felt like writting......... dunno wad i want to write about yet.... hate posts that juz dun go anywhere waste ppl's time reading too. but i juz have to write whenever i'm down.. its become a habit, bear wif me.

"journey to feel again"
haha sounds good.... hmmm self declares it the theme for 2006,
lookin back, tis self declared 2 year break from anything that may potentially harm my heart so as to concentrate on my A's, i've become kinda out of sync in tis department and will be working on it........ have a pre-prepared phrase: sorrie if i'm abit emotionally retarded.

good/bad things come in pairs:
2 years ago i left sji, where i spent 4 yrs of my life metamorphorsizing. secondary school was such a fumbling ground for me, bz fantoming how this world work as i grow and cont to do so now with few stops inbetween towards ???... "who will i grow up to become? dun tink i grew up much..... :( "

2 important friends.... lost one of them. jc started in march for me cos i didnt make it into jc for the 1st 3 mths, hurriedly thrusted into MUGGINGLAND. i was caught in the midst of a serious fight wif the Daniel who i lost..... really depressed cos i invested so much time into that hoping that i can gain a invaluable friendship.. but time doesnt buy anything... hmmm juz didnt click exactly into place i guess. flashes of the enzyme substrate lock and key image from the sec4 bio text crosses me eyes

Note to myself: dun expect too much from the current "project" wif raine

world is not perfect; nv has been nv will be. since when did i become so jaded...? haha.. such an awkawardly placed phrase ...

brown world
beginning of jc i badly wanted to fence up and guess it worked to a certain degree... haha... worked fantasticalli.. (who am i bluffing it was only because i was bz adjusting...) decided to tok to daniel again hoping that after 3 mths of silence maybe things will revert back to normal......... Pathetic.

But when i returned things changed, he got wound up in a relationship, things kinda went downhill from there... plus the fact that we were studying in diff schools wif totalli diff curriculums mi a jc-ian and the other POLY... mi a science student and he a graphic design artist.... we talked less and the crowd we hanged out wif was so different... view perspectives also change.. WE CHANGED.. i thought we continue to evolve into ever greater friends... naive i tell u, absence only makes the heart fonder but absence changes you. ivan came and left

1 door closes and another opens.......... raine dun disappoint me, pls DUN!

the future
exams are over and no longer plague my life. at least not for the nex 2 years... haha 2 years in the army, want to grow from it and when i look back i wanna be wiser.
i'm so excited cos i'm experiencing the long and treacherous process of becoming a person........... a person who i'd admire?
shouts: "of course!"

lets out a sigh of relieve.... finished tis entry and now i noe why i blog, i blog to find truth... still so much i nid to blog about... so much to tidy up in my messy heart and mind

why i have tis urge to blog again? cos i have difficulty expressing my thoughts and a lack thereof of ppl to share them wif.

3 VS 1 the world is against me i and i noe it

2006-01-21T21:33:00.000+08:00

... HAD A -.- FIGHT wif dad mom and brother... yep that includes the entire family living in my house.............

started wif supposedly INCREDULOUSLY ear bursting NOISE comin from my room... (was playing tis racing game) .... mom came in, wadever she said was inaudible.. hECKED care.. dad came in, stood nex to me and still was INAUDIBLE. all i heard was the rumbling of the engine.. i was almost completing a race which i tried over and over and over for the past god noes hours... thought the idea of tuning up the music will help mi get focused and once and for all win the bloody AI operating that other 4 cars... BUT ALAS he attempted to off my monitor which WAS SO irritating i finalli relented and stopped the game... there he was WAVING his withered hand centimeters away from my face.. fish.. i tell u ABSOLUTE FISH

btw i was within sight of the end and i was 1st which meant that if i continued i wld have cleared the round.. o well...

Fished... then goes the same thing bout the neighbours SCOLDING my mother, FISH the neighbours

2006-01-21T13:46:00.000+08:00

hmmm... aus OPEN is in full swing.. was out at stadium in taka ytd, "LIVE" coverage of the WIL vs HAN match shown on a big ass plasma tv.. damn exciting great match.. but both williams were kicked out.. haha.. so much for the "Reigning champion" serena.., kinda feel sad not able to see her play more.. juz seems out of form.

anyway hewitt got kicked out also..
Daniela Hantuchova is damn CHIO.. fyi means pretty+sexy
haha..... u noe i'm starting to get the hang of jap.. almost like understanding a dialect now.... haha...

if onli i could exude such a presence on court during tennis matches.. ROARWS
from the latest chapter of naruto manga.. its written in chinese not jap..
says there, dun ever look down on me as i unleash my kyubi serve of all time to ACE ur butt off.. ^ROARSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS^

ya rite.. hahah.. actualli it says: dun ever mention sasuke in front of me as though he's yours

so... the weather is sweltering and i wanna play テニス(tenisu) now!
listening to 自然 from her 1st album, btw her as in STEP SUN (孙燕姿) ...... whoever says she sux, juz go die :P

missed tennis ytd cos diana was goin to met someone at airport SUX...... :( ... starving... wonder wad mother's cookin in her kitchen cant realli smell anything..

jap word of the day: 面白い - interesting
interesting isnt when u translate it into chinese it means white face haha...

fyi .. jap kanji i borrowed from "old" chinese char which most chinese educated ppl still can read predominantly from hong kong and taiwan.. so .. its kinda ez to figure out the meaning of jap sentence if ur chinese and dun have a clue how to read jap cos the meanings of the "Words" usually are the same..

2006-01-20T01:43:00.000+08:00

今日, ごめね、昨日　僕はクラスメートと　、ジオイさん、　ちかてつで　生駒へ　行った。
６時半に语言学院へ来ました。

以上的是些日文, 不旧前开始学的, 是我今天学的. 哈哈.... 写中文真麻烦... 还是换回用英文才好.

lol... 1st para is jap.. juz started learning so pardon me if its too simple.... 2nd para is chinese... guess the phrase "use it or lose it" realli does have some meaning... oh well lets blog bout todae...
wore my new clothes... noticed the blue one is special cos the dye was done in such a way that it isn't realli uniform.. haha.. recieved some positive comments bout it todae.. k tis sounds realli HIMBO-ish...

went for jap class todae... at ikoma in orchard.. ほんお　面白い　ね！
btw means realli interesting, resting my soul in god's embrace feels gd... everything is lighter now......... for those who noe how it feels.. gd fer u.. for those who dun.. here's a paragraph i read somewhere b4

as he ended his term on earth and acsended into heaven.. he met an angel, she showed him the course of his life personified by footsteps on a incredibly long beach.. the waves gently crashing tickling the ears with their praise for the lord. as he focused his glance, he saw 2 pairs of prints, one belonged to him and the other the almighty's. tracing the prints, he stopped where there were only a pair of footsteps. 'is this when god left his life?' he questioned. NO.. it was when u were too weak to walk, and HE carried you, said the angel........

haha.. too tired to continue but u get the idea rite? nitez ppl

2006-01-19T01:48:00.000+08:00

got an AWFUL.. absolutely unforgivable haircut....
and i didnt go to a barber... not the ones wif all geziers.. but a rather posh lookin "salon" in amk... FUCKED UP CUT.. tink i was cheated of my $10 SUCKS MAN.. sucks so bad... everytime i go out now i have to hid under a HAT. dammit... goin to alter it soon.. at another place and bleach it gold. DAMN so mad at the guy who cut my hair.. ARGH!

bought 2 shirts from pacific plaza.. 1 ripcurl other is quicksilver... the ripcurl shirt is a tad too big .. looks like pyjamas to mi.. have to go change it for a smaller size... hope they have restocked and have a L or M... dammit.. the design was so nice.. i didnt care that he had XL size written on it.. onli when i came home .. when i noticed it was juz too impractical.. HIAZ..

had outting.. tink i becomin old... tokin bout the deeper stuff in live wif my friend.. ?

2006-01-18T00:46:00.000+08:00

today i juz felt like questioning bout the most intangible thing in life... 愛.
why do ppl want to find lurv and lurv?........ is it because they want to affirm that in the vast world at least 1 person can truly care about you as much as you would care for yourself, thus not feeling that your trash and that you're worth something to another person? but isnt that selfish? ironic isnt it?.. when we hear phrases like selfless love, maybe i'm wrong,

when ur in lurv u treat it like a normality and when ur out of it.. ;fresh from all the wounds of breakup, it seems like u'll die from its absence, and scramble to find that "high" u were in juz weeks before.... it is at tis time when love seems so weak, wad was thought to be unbreakable, impossible to destroy is now in pieces laying in front of u.... taunting u and haunting you at how foolish u were to believe in it.

things happened recently.. and i believe its for a reason, the effect is always due to some actions in the past... everytime i tink bout it......... i stagger and collapse, the pain of bringing back the memories when i'm almost done forgetting them, its punishment at its best.

but even when at the end of all tis, i find that there's always another way, another path, wad most will call hope, life's cruel but its merciful.. it gives u a way out and to start afresh. i gained experience and a new friendship has blossomed bet me and raine, i tink loss makes things more precious around you and i realli dun want to lose it realli DUN WANT TO LOSE IT ANYMORE......

my world

2006-01-15T10:55:00.000+08:00

its kinda sad...... got the idea from a comic i saw... sort of the chibi-fied version
my world:

blue is my favourite colour.. but its so common.. tink i like tis combi the best, baby blue together wif a darker shade.

goin off for tennis ltr.. goin to try and get there earlier for warm up.. hate sitting 158 always goes thru the "Red light district"

wish the sky in my world was blue again .... monsoon in my heart.. everydae since...
gotta fence up my world, whenever i'm around others & become as nonchalant as possible.
admire johnathan, cause he juz shuts it all out.... but that makes him look less human.. only like a statue...

caught "hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy" ytd on dvd of course, it wasnt that bad.. although the reviews were less kind...

hmmm currently working as a babysitter for my sis's newborn, i wonder if babies have divine connections wif GOD? .anyway... being foolish i held his hand and prayed.. prayed and asked for GOD to guide me on into the days ahead and be healed from my loneliness and pain... waiting for that sunny blue summer's day to come :D

haha.... crap,

2006-01-14T22:50:00.000+08:00

moon is nice

2006-01-13T23:58:00.000+08:00

realised how much a fluke i am.... not young yet so USELESS... dun have anything i'm gd at to boast about... everything i noe is so mediocre....
for the last 4 mths of freedom i'm not goin to sit back and let my life go to wasteimmediate goals:

finish bio tomolo immunology
ace japanese
ace tennis
improve my art
includes flash
photoshop

prepare for grade 6 theory
prepare for grade 6 practical

learn driving
prepare for army...
muz run every alternate days; aim for under 10min
gain weight to 57kg wif muscles too

no more slacking!
cant gravel in nothing anymore will break out of my shell and become a person

2006-01-11T22:40:00.000+08:00

currently OBSESSED wif tis anime called PARADISE KISS パラヂイス　キース
haha made up the katakana myself :P

anyway..... not onli is the anime good the song is gd too .. wuahahaha.
アニメ「パラキス」オープニングテーマ
「♥Lonely in Gorgeous♥」 by Tommy february 6
午前0時　飛び出した　扉を蹴飛ばして
硝子の靴も割れて　ドレスも破れた

ねえ　呆れているんでしょう?
追いか出てもこない
涙が溢れて　もう走れないわ...

ジェラシーかも…　SET．TSU．NA．I...!!

"Lonely in Gorgeous"　yeah...
Party night...I'm Breaking my heart
今すぐ見つけて抱きしめてほしい

ヘッドライトが光る
...where are you Bad boy ?
愛のスカーフで涙を拭いて
何も見えない

星屑をかき集め　あなたにぶつけたい
何故構うの?　自分しか愛せないくせに…

失恋かも…マジなの…?! "Lonely in Gorgeous"　yeah...
Party time...　埋まらない
あなたがいないと　空っぽな世界

夢の続きが見たい　"I miss you Bad boy"
きらめきの中に閉じ込めないで
壊れてしまうわ

"Lonely in Gorgeous"
I'm Breaking my heart
Where are you Bad boy ?
"Lonely in Party night"

"Lonely in Gorgeous"
I'm Breaking my heart
I miss you Bad boy
"Lonely in Party time"

"Lonely in Gorgeous"　yeah...
Party night...笑えない
何もいらないただそばにいて

"Lonely in Gorgeous"　yeah...
Party night...　I'm Breaking my heart
あなたが残して　きらめきの箱の中で
孤独を抱いて動けない
何もいらない　ただそばにいて
ひざまずいて　わたしを見て　愛を誓って

2006-01-11T00:50:00.000+08:00

tink i'll nv forget ivan, hmm dun tink i've realli forgot about anyone who had an impact in my life... i accept that.

horrible teachers and the cruel things they have said... :( friends and foes who come and gone into my life.. some revisiting, all i remember clearly as though it was yesterdae

teachers shd nv critic students bout things outside the student's work .. it remains vaulted up in his/her memory for life and its not something u want. rite?

still remembers tis mean teacher mISS ham... : u speak so softly and now thx to u i can lipread ... ARSEHOLE MOTHER FUCKER SHUT UR FUCKIN MOUTH UP!

hmmm todae was quite eventful... we went out again ... actualli wanted to play tennis in sajc. haha... but was caught.. dammit, and the stupid rain.. why lidat one?!
who am i kidding.... stupid thought flashes thru my mind.

then proceeded to plaza singapura to have some bagel and hot cocoa.... tried helpin her find a black candle... hmmm cant find.. ate swensons... ice cream rawks onli when ur eating wif ppl u like... think friendships are stronger than relationships... as in bgr. realli! i believe it true.

the onslaught of the rain continues relentlessly.. read that somewhere in japan snowfall reachers 3 m tall haha. crushes shd die.......... anyway, as usual it rained the bloody day but waa laa it stopped by the evening, played from 4-7.15 tennis at her hse damn frickin fun lar... its like.. i cant get sick of tennis. normalli i wld juz call it quits at a sports when i dun score or something similar. bUT tis time its different.. maybe cos i'm playing wif someone(pauses for a few secs....) i like. haha.. u noe its been crossing my mind for awhile alreadi, maybe i like her maybe i dun......... tsk.. life's hard.... life's ez.... life's a game of bluff......

so do i like her.. i tink i do, i dunno if she likes mi.......... haha life deals u fucking curve balls.. u go for someone and end up wif another huh?... it isnt fair......... tink it's god way of saying women are meant for men and men are not meant for men. hahaa

oh well.......... lemme ponder upon tis more and get back to u guys k?

2006-01-07T00:27:00.000+08:00

read tis post about how army traumatises..
tink that's wad happened to ivan..

owe him an apology...

2006-01-02T00:26:00.000+08:00

I LURV 2006

2005-12-31T11:35:00.000+08:00

picked up tennis a few weeks back and its realli addictive, i feel like a puddle everytime the yellow ball comes at me.. juz wanna return it to the other side of the court! no matter wad even if the ball goes out.. which usualli results in my friend having to pick up the balls.. maybe that's the subconscious reason for me acting so .... laughs....

been feeling down, in fact lost any real motivation to blog bout my life... but since reading some realli prolific bloggers i found the place of bloggin in my heart again,

tell you the truth i was played a few mths back, i got intro-ed to tis guy by my -so called closest friend at that time; now i wonder if his still worth keeping anot, well that's realli worth another whole frinking post,

we met online.. and being the navie person tt i was cos i was nv really in a relationship b4 i thought hey maybe tis is smth special to both me and him, so we started to study at the library daily where he worked for a mth... realli got dirty wif him and hot and stuff but he went to the army and i nv heard from him again until 2 weeks ago when a common aquintance of ours got us online again, wadever lar......... tink his quite happi cos he has a crush/inflatuation/wadEVER!

i dun realli care. (dammit i actualli do) but i'm over it... noe i sound realli weird, will make a effort to pen out my feelings, its like i noe the doors are closed regarding tis and the memories are forever frozen/scorched into my neurons probably wun be forgetting it soon since it was my 1st time... why was i so gulliable rite? hee hee.. all the veterans to the game muz be smiling to themselves now

now his in lurv again and now i'm wallowing in my own self pity.. sucks rite? so wad shd i do? juz move on, tat's usualli easier said than done......... after the A's its like a whole part of me juz died, all the motivation and self pep talks i'll give myself juz to psycho myself into studying (incidently it works too... haha...) its GONE... a goal in my life was completed and now am kinda LOST, the reason we stopped talkin was also partly due to my side too, cos i was concentrating on my studies.. god smite me if i got the whole concept of life wrong cos i tink getting to the U's IS THE MOST IMPORTANT TASK...

tskkk.... shd i get back into the lurv game again and try my luck at the russian roulette? or shd i find something else to do...

tried the 2nd option, picked up tennis and japanese but juz cant make me realli bz enuf to get a feeling of achievement i get from studying full time... in truth i nid to distract myself from all the other things tat have gone wrong in my life...

haha... but i realli got to thank him though, thru him i met a special someone though she's a girl, i tink i found a friend who's worth a million pounds in gold, truly unique and holds a special place in my heart. haha life/fate whatever you call it always throws some curveballs at you, and usualli get things u were totalli unexpecting of while tryin to pursue for another. its realli amuzing she's realli truthful, real and wise haha though 2 yrs younger. want to keep her to me all my life and she also gave me hope again that out there there are realli nice ppl around...

when i found out he was dating someone else again, the world came crushin down on me... its like a piece of canvas art and the colours all came melting out leaving behind a unearthly green and a distorted picture, in other words the world become dirty and cruel and BAD... but upon closer inspection wif her help i see glimpses of hope that the facade that hid the ugliness of the world was achievable. and that i have juz fallen and am in the process of regrouping myself and becoming someone better

chao! hee hee thx ****** u gave me the strength to blog again and be cynically truthful to my situation

2005-12-13T14:06:00.000+08:00

.... why did he sms...
why did raine tell him? WHY?! i thought he was behind but not forgotten; GONE. happened...
freak we played around..... i needed it physically so badly.................................................

im not even a dot in his life, i'm such a loser cause that's wad i'll say to someone else i see

other things happened(ys ur sucH a sOb) why cant you fucking be a friend when i nid u most?? i'm lost i feel like i'm back at square oene. wad's wrong wif you/me? i'm/ur so emotionally DEVOID, FUUUUUCKKKK

hiazzzz why cant things be ... ITS complicated
i want nth.......... more then be at peace

WHY WHY CAN I JUZ fucking get a gd holiday.............
tennis is interesting i want to be better at it.. i wish balls can apparate whenever i nid them.... hate picking balls shet

had a chat wif her ytd nite at starbucks .. was realli nid and all but, i dunno..........
hiaz

2005-11-25T15:01:00.000+08:00

exams ARE OVER.......... i feel so bloody SIANZ .... its like? wtf i wasted the whole of 2 yrs rushing like mad pig over a levels and u tell mi okie its over.. u can now relax.. i juz cant do it, its juz dumb i'm left wif a OVERWHELMING emptiness sia .. hiaz!

2005-11-10T23:16:00.000+08:00

had maths todae yar, too difficult yar, fail yar,

wad do i do? what is this......... it shouldnt be that hard.. why is it sho hard?.... cambridge examiner U MUZ BURN and suffer for what you did.... u dun juz increase the difficulty level juz like that, BUMMER FEEL dumb now, its fair, someone who got A last yr might have deserved a B tis year.. arholE

dots.......... only a few are born pretty/handsome the rest are WEIRD;UGLY;BANAL... wad's with this engagement with ourselves? isnt the inner being suppose to shine true? that's wad the "NICE" ppl tell you but in reality u're judged on how to LOOK, 75% of the time...

even if ppl get to noe u and like you... u nid to spend like 100X more time wif the person whereas a good looking arse juz takes 5 minutes yes... life's not fair.. ULTRA CLICHE phrase... see i juz typed a self perpetuating fact which will exist as long as random mating within our species continues...

beautiful ppl shd marry each other and the rest be sterilised!

2005-11-06T21:58:00.001+08:00

in the library todaE, it dawned on me.. i may be the only frickin person who actualli cares for anything, maybe its the media... everyone seems so F***ing shallow and in the end its true..........

no matter how "altruistic" you tink you are.. ur probably onli doin it to please urself, hearing bout ppl todae becomin more lonely.. tink its the fuckin reverse, ppl are becomin MORE AND MORE NEEDY cos their juz becoming more and more selfish.. wanting more morE moRE mORE MORE.... gah... too fed up bout why i care? cos i'm needy... cos i nid to noe that i'm not alone.. someone is MORE alone than mi... fucked up..

when i call him he juz gives mi the fuckedup, i'm BZ, why why u bz?.. ur juz sitting at home in front of ya computer... is that being BZ? ur juz being selfish!..
ivan you suck... u suck so bad ur juz a big BLIMP in my life, u made mi fall... SPLAT on the flooor... goin to take things in life a little bit more ez now... feelings are in my way anyway... tink rationalli without my heart.. PLAY whenever i nid to play.. but b4 that i have the a levels..BLEAH

goin to chuck everything behind chuck all the unwanted clutter behind me, that includes all the fucking ppl who are no use to mi and in the end keep those who are profittable near, you tink i'm being a bRAT yar i am... and wad are you goin to do bout it.. :p