o.0 テニスしました、fresh from my SHOWER.... NICE.. haha... porno sia,


hmmmm.... CNY passed so quickly... :(

农历新年快要到了喔. 来临新的一年欲望的是什么?

希望能把一切不愉快的事给忘得一干二净, start with a clean slate, 再也不回头思念失去未来,反而要挑战未来,寻找幸福.
(need feedback is typing in chinese too CHeeeeNA?)

o.0?.. hmmm heading for reunion dinner ltr... feel like bleaching my hair NOW! but decides to leave it till after the new yr if not i'll probably cause a few family members to faint

涙が溢れて NO more!
was watchin FMA juz now... hmmm think their theory veri muz applies;
to gain something u have to give up another of equal importance, ... nth's free in this forbading world of ours. thought of the big fat ANG PAO harvest tis CHeeena NEW yEar juz zipped thru my mind. questioned "j***" wad is goin on.... hmmmm i dun tink its goin anywhere and i'm juz goin to leave it the way it is....


life's kinda MELLOW now cos i took up the job offer of takin care of my baby nephew...
可愛い！！(kawaii)
dun tink i'll be wanting to father any child in future unless i have someone i realli can trust and lurv to do it with cause its realli a 大変(jap alert) job, awful job..

australian open RAWKS.... was catchin the men's double's while typing tis entry.... BRYAN bros won... frickin GD match.. the indian guy reminded my of kikumaru.. but a kinda CHUBBY, version haha.... though he looks that way he sure can run around the court...
kk tink i blogged enuf

addicted; its scenery, actors but mostly to its story.
intense; that it stifles and sucks the air away

wrenches till i shatter and crash into a million........ nothing is left except for lies i tell. it numbs the pain

PAIN, innumerable shades of piercing afflictions
the things i utter lulls me into falsehood,
i seek for the one who will cure me

didnt know and fucked it. he left

snapshots
lost someone, with him he took the trophy of me soul now a hole that can never be filled behind.

memories awkwardly tucked away now tears apart.
'Can i go on living like tis?; broken;'

hurts...... i weary from standing alone, with no one to share the burden of life. no one to lean on.

drop after drop, i bleed, each fresh from my soul's spring.......

i'm still SERIOUSly affected by brokeback mountain

... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
its the MOVIE of the year

OKIE............. its pouring tears inside me now,

juz watched a film called brokeback mountain SUPER ULTRA SUPER DUPER FUCKING NICE LAR...

love that that is so RARE, to love someone and to give everything up for it............ and yet u dun see anything, guess it suxs huh, SUXS SO BAD, sux so bad whyy argh.............. sux
that sick feeling of lurv FUCK IT

blogging twice on a day... bullsh*t
Official post for today


juz felt like writting......... dunno wad i want to write about yet.... hate posts that juz dun go anywhere waste ppl's time reading too. but i juz have to write whenever i'm down.. its become a habit, bear wif me.

"journey to feel again"
haha sounds good.... hmmm self declares it the theme for 2006,
lookin back, tis self declared 2 year break from anything that may potentially harm my heart so as to concentrate on my A's, i've become kinda out of sync in tis department and will be working on it........ have a pre-prepared phrase: sorrie if i'm abit emotionally retarded.

good/bad things come in pairs:
2 years ago i left sji, where i spent 4 yrs of my life metamorphorsizing. secondary school was such a fumbling ground for me, bz fantoming how this world work as i grow and cont to do so now with few stops inbetween towards ???... "who will i grow up to become? dun tink i grew up much..... :( "

2 important friends.... lost one of them. jc started in march for me cos i didnt make it into jc for the 1st 3 mths, hurriedly thrusted into MUGGINGLAND. i was caught in the midst of a serious fight wif the Daniel who i lost..... really depressed cos i invested so much time into that hoping that i can gain a invaluable friendship.. but time doesnt buy anything... hmmm juz didnt click exactly into place i guess. flashes of the enzyme substrate lock and key image from the sec4 bio text crosses me eyes

Note to myself: dun expect too much from the current "project" wif raine

world is not perfect; nv has been nv will be. since when did i become so jaded...? haha.. such an awkawardly placed phrase ...

brown world
beginning of jc i badly wanted to fence up and guess it worked to a certain degree... haha... worked fantasticalli.. (who am i bluffing it was only because i was bz adjusting...) decided to tok to daniel again hoping that after 3 mths of silence maybe things will revert back to normal......... Pathetic.

But when i returned things changed, he got wound up in a relationship, things kinda went downhill from there... plus the fact that we were studying in diff schools wif totalli diff curriculums mi a jc-ian and the other POLY... mi a science student and he a graphic design artist.... we talked less and the crowd we hanged out wif was so different... view perspectives also change.. WE CHANGED.. i thought we continue to evolve into ever greater friends... naive i tell u, absence only makes the heart fonder but absence changes you. ivan came and left

1 door closes and another opens.......... raine dun disappoint me, pls DUN!

the future
exams are over and no longer plague my life. at least not for the nex 2 years... haha 2 years in the army, want to grow from it and when i look back i wanna be wiser.
i'm so excited cos i'm experiencing the long and treacherous process of becoming a person........... a person who i'd admire?
shouts: "of course!"


lets out a sigh of relieve.... finished tis entry and now i noe why i blog, i blog to find truth... still so much i nid to blog about... so much to tidy up in my messy heart and mind

why i have tis urge to blog again? cos i have difficulty expressing my thoughts and a lack thereof of ppl to share them wif.

... HAD A -.- FIGHT wif dad mom and brother... yep that includes the entire family living in my house.............

started wif supposedly INCREDULOUSLY ear bursting NOISE comin from my room... (was playing tis racing game) .... mom came in, wadever she said was inaudible.. hECKED care.. dad came in, stood nex to me and still was INAUDIBLE. all i heard was the rumbling of the engine.. i was almost completing a race which i tried over and over and over for the past god noes hours... thought the idea of tuning up the music will help mi get focused and once and for all win the bloody AI operating that other 4 cars... BUT ALAS he attempted to off my monitor which WAS SO irritating i finalli relented and stopped the game... there he was WAVING his withered hand centimeters away from my face.. fish.. i tell u ABSOLUTE FISH

btw i was within sight of the end and i was 1st which meant that if i continued i wld have cleared the round.. o well...

Fished... then goes the same thing bout the neighbours SCOLDING my mother, FISH the neighbours

hmmm... aus OPEN is in full swing.. was out at stadium in taka ytd, "LIVE" coverage of the WIL vs HAN match shown on a big ass plasma tv.. damn exciting great match.. but both williams were kicked out.. haha.. so much for the "Reigning champion" serena.., kinda feel sad not able to see her play more.. juz seems out of form.

anyway hewitt got kicked out also..
Daniela Hantuchova is damn CHIO.. fyi means pretty+sexy
haha..... u noe i'm starting to get the hang of jap.. almost like understanding a dialect now.... haha...

if onli i could exude such a presence on court during tennis matches.. ROARWS
from the latest chapter of naruto manga.. its written in chinese not jap..
says there, dun ever look down on me as i unleash my kyubi serve of all time to ACE ur butt off.. ^ROARSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS^

ya rite.. hahah.. actualli it says: dun ever mention sasuke in front of me as though he's yours

so... the weather is sweltering and i wanna play テニス(tenisu) now!
listening to 自然 from her 1st album, btw her as in STEP SUN (孙燕姿) ...... whoever says she sux, juz go die :P

missed tennis ytd cos diana was goin to met someone at airport SUX...... :( ... starving... wonder wad mother's cookin in her kitchen cant realli smell anything..

jap word of the day: 面白い - interesting
interesting isnt when u translate it into chinese it means white face haha...

fyi .. jap kanji i borrowed from "old" chinese char which most chinese educated ppl still can read predominantly from hong kong and taiwan.. so .. its kinda ez to figure out the meaning of jap sentence if ur chinese and dun have a clue how to read jap cos the meanings of the "Words" usually are the same..

今日, ごめね、昨日　僕はクラスメートと　、ジオイさん、　ちかてつで　生駒へ　行った。
６時半に语言学院へ来ました。

以上的是些日文, 不旧前开始学的, 是我今天学的. 哈哈.... 写中文真麻烦... 还是换回用英文才好.

lol... 1st para is jap.. juz started learning so pardon me if its too simple.... 2nd para is chinese... guess the phrase "use it or lose it" realli does have some meaning... oh well lets blog bout todae...
wore my new clothes... noticed the blue one is special cos the dye was done in such a way that it isn't realli uniform.. haha.. recieved some positive comments bout it todae.. k tis sounds realli HIMBO-ish...

went for jap class todae... at ikoma in orchard.. ほんお　面白い　ね！
btw means realli interesting, resting my soul in god's embrace feels gd... everything is lighter now......... for those who noe how it feels.. gd fer u.. for those who dun.. here's a paragraph i read somewhere b4

as he ended his term on earth and acsended into heaven.. he met an angel, she showed him the course of his life personified by footsteps on a incredibly long beach.. the waves gently crashing tickling the ears with their praise for the lord. as he focused his glance, he saw 2 pairs of prints, one belonged to him and the other the almighty's. tracing the prints, he stopped where there were only a pair of footsteps. 'is this when god left his life?' he questioned. NO.. it was when u were too weak to walk, and HE carried you, said the angel........

haha.. too tired to continue but u get the idea rite? nitez ppl

got an AWFUL.. absolutely unforgivable haircut....
and i didnt go to a barber... not the ones wif all geziers.. but a rather posh lookin "salon" in amk... FUCKED UP CUT.. tink i was cheated of my $10 SUCKS MAN.. sucks so bad... everytime i go out now i have to hid under a HAT. dammit... goin to alter it soon.. at another place and bleach it gold. DAMN so mad at the guy who cut my hair.. ARGH!

bought 2 shirts from pacific plaza.. 1 ripcurl other is quicksilver... the ripcurl shirt is a tad too big .. looks like pyjamas to mi.. have to go change it for a smaller size... hope they have restocked and have a L or M... dammit.. the design was so nice.. i didnt care that he had XL size written on it.. onli when i came home .. when i noticed it was juz too impractical.. HIAZ..

had outting.. tink i becomin old... tokin bout the deeper stuff in live wif my friend.. ?

today i juz felt like questioning bout the most intangible thing in life... 愛.
why do ppl want to find lurv and lurv?........ is it because they want to affirm that in the vast world at least 1 person can truly care about you as much as you would care for yourself, thus not feeling that your trash and that you're worth something to another person? but isnt that selfish? ironic isnt it?.. when we hear phrases like selfless love, maybe i'm wrong,

when ur in lurv u treat it like a normality and when ur out of it.. ;fresh from all the wounds of breakup, it seems like u'll die from its absence, and scramble to find that "high" u were in juz weeks before.... it is at tis time when love seems so weak, wad was thought to be unbreakable, impossible to destroy is now in pieces laying in front of u.... taunting u and haunting you at how foolish u were to believe in it.

things happened recently.. and i believe its for a reason, the effect is always due to some actions in the past... everytime i tink bout it......... i stagger and collapse, the pain of bringing back the memories when i'm almost done forgetting them, its punishment at its best.

but even when at the end of all tis, i find that there's always another way, another path, wad most will call hope, life's cruel but its merciful.. it gives u a way out and to start afresh. i gained experience and a new friendship has blossomed bet me and raine, i tink loss makes things more precious around you and i realli dun want to lose it realli DUN WANT TO LOSE IT ANYMORE......

its kinda sad...... got the idea from a comic i saw... sort of the chibi-fied version
my world:


blue is my favourite colour.. but its so common.. tink i like tis combi the best, baby blue together wif a darker shade.

goin off for tennis ltr.. goin to try and get there earlier for warm up.. hate sitting 158 always goes thru the "Red light district"

wish the sky in my world was blue again .... monsoon in my heart.. everydae since...
gotta fence up my world, whenever i'm around others & become as nonchalant as possible.
admire johnathan, cause he juz shuts it all out.... but that makes him look less human.. only like a statue...

caught "hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy" ytd on dvd of course, it wasnt that bad.. although the reviews were less kind...

hmmm currently working as a babysitter for my sis's newborn, i wonder if babies have divine connections wif GOD? .anyway... being foolish i held his hand and prayed.. prayed and asked for GOD to guide me on into the days ahead and be healed from my loneliness and pain... waiting for that sunny blue summer's day to come :D

haha.... crap,

moon is nice

realised how much a fluke i am.... not young yet so USELESS... dun have anything i'm gd at to boast about... everything i noe is so mediocre....
for the last 4 mths of freedom i'm not goin to sit back and let my life go to wasteimmediate goals:

finish bio tomolo immunology
ace japanese
ace tennis
improve my art
includes flash
photoshop

prepare for grade 6 theory
prepare for grade 6 practical

learn driving
prepare for army...
muz run every alternate days; aim for under 10min
gain weight to 57kg wif muscles too

no more slacking!
cant gravel in nothing anymore will break out of my shell and become a person

currently OBSESSED wif tis anime called PARADISE KISS パラヂイス　キース
haha made up the katakana myself :P

anyway..... not onli is the anime good the song is gd too .. wuahahaha.
アニメ「パラキス」 オープニングテーマ
「♥Lonely in Gorgeous♥」 by Tommy february 6
午前0時　飛び出した　扉を蹴飛ばして
硝子の靴も割れて　ドレスも破れた

ねえ　呆れているんでしょう?
追いか出てもこない
涙が溢れて　もう走れないわ...

ジェラシーかも…　SET．TSU．NA．I...!!

"Lonely in Gorgeous"　yeah...
Party night...I'm Breaking my heart
今すぐ見つけて抱きしめてほしい

ヘッドライトが光る
...where are you Bad boy ?
愛のスカーフで涙を拭いて
何も見えない

星屑をかき集め　あなたにぶつけたい
何故構うの?　自分しか愛せないくせに…

失恋かも…マジなの…?! "Lonely in Gorgeous"　yeah...
Party time...　埋まらない
あなたがいないと　空っぽな世界

夢の続きが見たい　"I miss you Bad boy"
きらめきの中に閉じ込めないで
壊れてしまうわ

"Lonely in Gorgeous"
I'm Breaking my heart
Where are you Bad boy ?
"Lonely in Party night"

"Lonely in Gorgeous"
I'm Breaking my heart
I miss you Bad boy
"Lonely in Party time"

"Lonely in Gorgeous"　yeah...
Party night...笑えない
何もいらない ただそばにいて

"Lonely in Gorgeous"　yeah...
Party night...　I'm Breaking my heart
あなたが残して　きらめきの箱の中で
孤独を抱いて動けない
何もいらない　ただそばにいて
ひざまずいて　わたしを見て　愛を誓って

tink i'll nv forget ivan, hmm dun tink i've realli forgot about anyone who had an impact in my life... i accept that.

horrible teachers and the cruel things they have said... :( friends and foes who come and gone into my life.. some revisiting, all i remember clearly as though it was yesterdae

teachers shd nv critic students bout things outside the student's work .. it remains vaulted up in his/her memory for life and its not something u want. rite?

still remembers tis mean teacher mISS ham... : u speak so softly and now thx to u i can lipread ... ARSEHOLE MOTHER FUCKER SHUT UR FUCKIN MOUTH UP!

hmmm todae was quite eventful... we went out again ... actualli wanted to play tennis in sajc. haha... but was caught.. dammit, and the stupid rain.. why lidat one?!
who am i kidding.... stupid thought flashes thru my mind.

then proceeded to plaza singapura to have some bagel and hot cocoa.... tried helpin her find a black candle... hmmm cant find.. ate swensons... ice cream rawks onli when ur eating wif ppl u like... think friendships are stronger than relationships... as in bgr. realli! i believe it true.

the onslaught of the rain continues relentlessly.. read that somewhere in japan snowfall reachers 3 m tall haha. crushes shd die.......... anyway, as usual it rained the bloody day but waa laa it stopped by the evening, played from 4-7.15 tennis at her hse damn frickin fun lar... its like.. i cant get sick of tennis. normalli i wld juz call it quits at a sports when i dun score or something similar. bUT tis time its different.. maybe cos i'm playing wif someone(pauses for a few secs....) i like. haha.. u noe its been crossing my mind for awhile alreadi, maybe i like her maybe i dun......... tsk.. life's hard.... life's ez.... life's a game of bluff......

so do i like her.. i tink i do, i dunno if she likes mi.......... haha life deals u fucking curve balls.. u go for someone and end up wif another huh?... it isnt fair......... tink it's god way of saying women are meant for men and men are not meant for men. hahaa

oh well.......... lemme ponder upon tis more and get back to u guys k?

read tis post about how army traumatises..
tink that's wad happened to ivan..

owe him an apology...

I LURV 2006